


Foreign Exchange Club: Episode 12-The Great Rock and Roll Swindle

by egyptian



Category: None - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 20:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19893718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egyptian/pseuds/egyptian
Summary: Why is this cast so god damned big? What the hell was I thinking?





	Foreign Exchange Club: Episode 12-The Great Rock and Roll Swindle

[We open with a montage of images. Sakai girls rigging the Wheel of Calamity. Five Sakai girls in choir uniforms practicing. A Sakai girl passing a roll of cash to a school official surreptuously. A couple of the Sakai girls burning a Seifun girl's homework in front of her]

Sakai #1Voiceover: It's taken a lot of hard work to get to this point. Rigging the Wheel. Bringing in ringers. Bribery. Intimidation.

[Cut to an empty performance hall]

Sakai #1 Voiceover: At last we have the hated Foreign Exchange Club backed into the corner. At last...we will have our revenge.

[Roll opener]

[Cut to the Foreign Exchange girls and the Sakai S3s waiting out back of Seifun High for the Wheel to be spun.]

Lynn: (talking to Maya) Well this is it. If we win this one we can demand a tiebreaker. If we lose, we're toast.

Maya: Oh we're totally going to win. We can't let our streak end now when we're so close!

Kiku: We HAVE to win, or I'll never see Nanae again!

Nanae: I'll still be your sister you knucklehead.

[The principal walks up on the stage, taking up his usual spot]

Principal: Well, it seems that despite all possible expectations the Foreign Exchange Club is now only one win behind Sakai's School Spirit Society. Somehow we managed to get through last week's even without the police or fire department getting involved, so I'd say it was a personal best for both teams. Now, before we go any further I would like to make two things perfectly clear. One, if either team brings in outsiders to either bully or conspire against the other team again they will be immediately disqualified. I would, despite my own feelings like to see this contest ended fairly, so there can be no dispute of the result. Secondly, since Sakai is only one win in the lead with one contest to go-If the Foreign Exchange Club manages to win we will have to have one more contest, which will be the tiebreaker. Now, let's see what this week's contest will be.

[The Wheel of Calamity is spun. It seems to be rotating erratically, stopping with a horrible and very suspicious THUMP when it gets to “Karaoke Battle”]

Principal: Hmm, how weird. Oh well. Karaoke Battle it is. Since Sakai has a concert hall on their campus we'll hold the competition there. Each team will pick two songs, with each singer scored by volume of applause. You can have whatever combination of singers you might care to choose do your performances. In the event that a round is tied the winner will be chosen by a panel of three judges, one teacher from each school and the superintendant of schools. We /will/ have a winner, no matter what the cost. Any questions?

Kumiko: The wheel was clearly rigged, right? I mean everyone else saw what I saw didn't they?

Principal: I don't know and to be perfectly honest with you I no longer care. I also don't see how a karaoke battle can favor one side over the other. Anything else? No? Good, then I'll see you all at Sakai's theater on Friday night. Good luck to both teams.

[The principal turns away before he mutters out]

Principal: Please Sakai, set me free.

[Cut to the Foreign Exchange clubroom. They've added the Tea Ceremony Club's tea set to their décor, filling the cups from a liter bottle of Mountain Dew]

Gin: Did you ever get the feeling you had just been cheated?

Junko: Yeah, I think everyone knows that the fix is in. Everyone wants us gone I guess.

Nanae: I hate when we run into problems that can't be fixed with either punching or kicking.

Kumiko: Okay, we can all clearly see that something is up. Regardless, we have to compete and defeat them or we'll be spending the summer up on that damn roof. There's no other option. We /must/ win.

Ming: (closes her magazine) Alright, we need to get serious then.

Shizu: Ming closed her magazine!

Kiku: She's paying attention and trying to participate! I didn't realize how dire the situation was.

Ming: (rolls her eyes) Whatever. Look, how long is it going to take before someone asks the obvious question....can any of us even sing?

[All of the girls shrug and look around, except for Shizu who looks away nervously and blushes a bit.]

Ming: Is that a big fat no? Okay, next question then...do we think that if we sing together we might at least sound okay?

Kumiko: That's not a bad idea. 

Oki: We should find out who has the best voices. Then we can position people so that the better voices are easier to hear than the worse ones. I think that's what a real choir would do.

[The girls line up and take turns singing a note. They vary from pretty bad-Nanae, to the tolerable-Lynn to the decent-Ming. Finally they come to Shizu]

Kumiko: Alright, let's hear it.

Shizu: Are you sure you want to hear me? I mean, we already know I'm not going to be any good, right?

Kiku: C'mon Shizu, singing is fun even if you're bad!

Nanae: Yeah, you can't be worse than I was. (pats Shizu on the back) Let 'er rip!

[Shizu swallows nervously, then looks around at all the eyes that are on her. Finally she sings and is amazing. Everyone's jaw drops. Finally the silence is broken.]

Shizu: See?

Yayoi: Are you kidding? That was dope!

Ming: Shizu, how long have you been the best singer ever?

Gin: Yeah! You've been concealing your true strength all this time. (she thinks) Well played, well played.

Shizu: Do you really think so? You guys aren't just teasing me, are you?

Lynn: No way! You are really good. You've got to sing at the show.

Shizu: (looking scared) What? Get up in front of all of those people? I could never do that?

Lynn: What, why?

Shizu: All those eyes...it's just too embarrasing! What if I mess up and everyone laughs at me?

Kiku: You mess up and everyone laughs at you all the time.

Shizu: That doesn't mean I like it!

Kumiko: Shizu, nobody is going to force you to sing for us, but we have to face the facts too. You are good. None of the rest of us are even okay. Some of us are terrible. Now during all of these contests we've called on everyone to do what they could, as well as they could. Nanae is strong. Junko can cook. Yayoi and Maya are hard workers. Lynn is a jack of all trades. Gin is diabolical. Kiku is unpredictable. I've made the tough decisions and seen that things got done. Now you haven't always been as helpful as the rest, but not one person has said a word against you, because we knew that those challenges didn't play to your strengths. I'll be honest, we didn't know what strengths you may have had. Now though, this battle is being fought on your home turf. In this battle your strength exceeds all others. I'm asking you, who we've carried all this way to show your strength and carry us across the finish line. Will you do is?

[Everyone looks at Shizu hopefully]

Shizu: I...I have to go! 

[Shizu runs out the door, with tears in her eyes. She tries to close the door behind her, but it sticks a bit. Yayoi and Maya end up having to help her with it. Once the door is shut we see her tearfully running down the hallway.

Gin: Well, we are dead. Oh well, I guess we had a good run, didn't we?

Ming: (sighing and opening her magazine back up) So much for that.

Lynn: Are you guys kidding? Isn't anyone going to go after her?

Gin: Why? It's /Shizu/. The girl who isn't good at anything. If we do get her to come back do you think she's not just going to blow it later? 

Maya: Maybe we should just focus on what we're going to do if she doesn't come back. If she does that's great, but we should have a fall-back plan too.

Lynn: Well you guys can do what you like. I'm going to go make sure she's okay.

Kumiko: What if we need your help?

Lynn: I'll be a lot more help if I get Shizu to sing for us than if I try to sing myself!

[Lynn goes out the door]

Yayoi: Crap. Are we falling apart at the seams?

Kumiko: Her heart's in the right place but we need to be pragmatic. Now our first step will be to pick a song. 

Everyone: I know just the song!

[Everyone looks at everyone else suspiciously. Cut to Shizu walking alone down a sidewalk. She's humming to herself. Then, a couple of girls in Sakai uniforms come around the corner. Shizu ducks behind a garbage can and hides. The two Sakai girls stop and we see that Shizu is hiding so that anybody with half a brain would know she's there. The two Sakai girls take up position.]

Sakai girl: Hey, do you smell something? I think this garbage is rotting!

Second Sakai girl: (pulls Shizu to her feet) Nope, just a girl from Seifun High!

First Girl: Hey, don't they teach you how to wash up at Seifun? 

[Shizu looks away nervously]

First Sakai Girl: Hey, I'm talking to you! I know you Seifun girls are poor, but you should at least be able to afford a toothbrush, right?

Second Sakai girl: I bet she wouldn't know what to do with a toothbrush if you gave her one. Would you Seifun girl?

Lynn's Voice: Hey, get your hands off of her!

[Lynn jogs up to confront the two Sakai girls]

First Sakai: Hey look, it's that American girl. What's the matter, you smelled some trash and thought it was yours?

Lynn: You two better get your hands off of her or you're both going to be sorry.

Second Sakai girl: What are you going to do, beat us up? 

Lynn: Nope. I've never even been in a fight. Wouldn't know what to do if I was.

First Sakai girl: Then why do you think we ought to be scared of you?

Lynn: Scared of me? You should be scared of her. She's in the Foreign Exchange Club.

[The Sakai girls suddenly look at Shizu like she's made of poison]

Lynn: Did you see what happened to the School Spirit Society when they kidnapped Kandegawa Junko? Or what happened to the Tea Ceremony Club? You might beat her up. Hell, you might beat me up too. The question is, do you want to deal with the consequences if you do that?

[The two Sakai girls let go of Shizu. They look at Lynn nervously again, then straighten Shizu's jacket and hair with a smile. They pause for a moment and then haul ass out of there]

Shizu: Lynn you saved me!

Lynn: It wasn't so hard. You just have to understan/d the mind of a bully. They don't like the idea that someone could be able to bully them back.

Shizu: I suppose you only came because I said I wouldn't help.

Lynn: Actually I came because you were /crying/. Are you alright?

Shizu: Yeah, I'm fine. I cry a lot anyway, so I recover pretty quickly. (pause) You were really worried?

Lynn: Why wouldn't I be? You're in the club with me.

Shizu: Yeah, but it's not like we're friends.

Lynn: I always thought we were friends.

Shizu: (blinking in disbelief) Seriously?

Lynn: Sure, why wouldn't I? Just because you aren't the strongest, or the fastest or even the smartest? You have plenty of strengths too, even if you don't realize it.

Shizu: What, no way!

Lynn: Sure you do! You're crazy good at math for one. Even Oki can't work things out as fast as you and she's probably a genius. You're good at following orders too. Everyone has taken the lead at one time or another but you've always been right there to help, without complaining or making trouble. Being the best at helping is just as useful as being the best at something, because you make everyone around you even better than they normally would be.

Shizu: (blushes a bit) Oh you're just saying that to cheer me up.

Lynn: You know what your biggest weakness is? Whenever something goes wrong you always take the blame yourself. In moderation that's a good quality, but you go too far with it. There's a difference between pointing fingers at everyone else like Gin does and knowing that it's not always your fault. It isn't always your fault Shizu. 

Shizu: I don't think I've ever thought of it that way.

Lynn: One other thing for you to think about, and then I'll leave you be. Back in the US I used to get bullied sometimes. I didn't like it either. I know, as someone who took that that there was nothing I wanted more than to get back at the people who bullied me. When it comes to singing you're stronger than any of the girls that Sakai has. Now's your chance to turn the tables on them. 

[Lynn starts to walk off]

Lynn: Make up your mind one way or the other. If you don't want to sing alone we can always use your help. You know we can't get anything done without good ol' Shizu.

[Lynn walks off. Cut to a close up of Shizu. Slowly, she smiles. Cut to a shot of Seifun, showing that it's the next day. Cut to the exterior of the Exchange Club, then the interior where everyone is standing around Gin, who is working on a laptop]

Gin: Alright, I've entered everyone's votes-all FIFTY of them-into the computer. It'll randomly and fairly determine a song for us to sing.

Maya: How do we know you didn't rig the computer to pick a song you like?

Gin: You don't! You'll just have to take it on faith that I wouldn't cheat you, my beloved servants.

[Everyone kind of scowls as Gin works on the computer. Lynn walks in and joins them]

Lynn: Hey guys. Are you still fighting with that thing?

Gin: Only for a moment. One keypress (pushes button) and our answer is...WHAT?

Yayoi: Yes! I won!

Junko: What song is that?

Gin: How is this possible? 

Kumiko: You're not the only one who knows how to use a computer you know.

Gin: You?! Et tu Kumiko? Et tu?

Lynn: (looks at the laptop) Sweet! I love that song!

Maya: You know this one?

Lynn: Oh yes. I used to watch that show all the time. I'm not surprised that none of you know it, well other than Yayoi.

Yayoi: I demand a high five!

Lynn: And you will have one! (hi5s her)

Junko: Oh! Lynn, did you catch up with Shizu?

Lynn: Yep! I think she'll be back. Speaking of which...

[The door slides open and Shizu enters, holding her bag in front of her defensively. She smiles nervously and enters the room]

Maya: Welcome back!

Kiku: Yay, Shizu is back!

[Ming peers over the top of her magazine and smiles a little]

Shizu: Sorry I made such a scene.

Gin: Yes, well you'll be forgiven eventually. Especially if you sing.

Kumiko: Gin! Don't pressure her like that! It's up to Shizu.

Shizu: Oh it's alright. I've made a decision.

[Shizu rips the front of her uniform open, revealing a Superman t-shirt]

Shizu: I'm gonna do it!

[The girls all let out a cheer. Ming even shrugs and hi5s Shizu, letting her facade down for once]

[Cut to exterior of Sakai High. Cut to the theater, where students from both schools are filing in. Cut to the inside of the theater, where we see Sakai on one side and Seifun on the other. There's clearly a lot more Sakai girls than Seifun. Cut to backstage, where all of the girls are wearing ridiculous Sly Stone style costumes. The whole group is here except for Shizu. The two lead Sakai girls walk back into the Foreign Exchange Club's area]

Maya: What do you ghouls want?

Sakai #1: (innocently) I just wanted to wish you good luck! The contest is nearly over after all.

Yayoi: The contest won't be over until next week. We're going to win.

Sakai #1: No, actually you aren't. I admit I'm kind of curious to see what you have planned, but nobody and I mean NOBODY can defeat the Five Deadly Tenors.

[Shock spreads across the Exchange Club]

Gin: That's bullcrap! The Five Deadly Tenors are in your choir. They aren't part of the S3s!

Kumiko: How did you pull this off?

Sakai #1: Oh didn't you know? The School Spirit Society merged with the Sakai Glee Club last week. It's in our club charter that we can cooperate for 'special events'. (smiles evilly) Like I said though, good luck.

[The Sakai girls leave, the Foreign Exchange Club members scowl and fret]

Gin: Well now what? She's right. The Five Deadly Tenors are awesome.

School Official: Foreign Exchange Club you're up first.

Kumiko: Alright, game faces people. Let's go out there and win!

[The curtains open and the Foreign Exchange Club takes the stage. They line up in their outlandish costumes. Kumiko steps forwards with the microphone]

Kumiko: Hello everyone! We're Seifun Maximum Security High School's Foreign Exchange Club. For our first song we're going to perform an old American folk song. We hope that we can do it justice, and we hope that it is something you will enjoy.

[Yayoi suddenly slides forward and grabs the microphone.]

Yayoi: Hey hey hey!

[The Foreign Exchange club performs the opening theme from the Fat Albert show. The camera cuts to various people watching more in disbelief than anything else, interspersed with cuts showing the girls playing a number of homemade instruments. They finish by grouping up by doing the Cosby Kids cheer, complete with funky arm thing. The Exchange club hustles off stage to polite applause. Sakai #1 enters, smiles and takes up the microphone]

Sakai #1: Well I hope we have something good enough to follow that (under her breath) whatever that was..(out loud again) and we do! The Sakai High School Spirit Society presents the Five Deadly Tenors!

[The lights go down, then rise as the Five Deadly Tenors appear. They do an amazing cover of Bohemian Rhapsody, then transition straight into Jumping Jack Flash. Cut to backstage. We see Shizu coming in, covered up in a purple robe. Cut to Kumiko and Gin]

Kumiko: They're so good! Oh my god we are doomed!

Gin: Is it fair for them to do two songs back to back?

Kumiko: I think when you're that good you can make your own rules, right?

[Shizu starts to walk over to them]

Kumiko: Do you think Shizu can take the pressure?

Gin: Oh no, not at all. Who would want to follow that act?

[Shizu's eyes widen, then she starts to leave. She bumps into Lynn before she can get far]

Shizu: Oh! I'm so sorry!

Lynn: Where are you going in such a hurry?

Shizu: I..I was...

Gin: (in the background) Shizu's probably not even going to show up. You know we can't count on her, right?

[Shizu looks like she's going to cry....then her eyes harden. She looks at Lynn and speaks with menace in her voice]

Shizu: Lynn, I need warpaint.

[Cut to the stage. The audience is going bananas for the Five Deadly Tenors. They take bows, then come out and take bows again. Cut to Shizu walking out onto the stage. We see her from behind, unable to see her face. The camera stops with Gin and Kumiko]

Kumiko: You think she heard what you said?

Gin: She better have! 

[Kumiko raises a suspicious eyebrow, then smiles at Gin, who returns a knowing smile. Cut to the stage. The audience is rumbling in anticipation. Suddenly the curtains part. We see Lynn holding a guitar, Junko a bass. Kiku is at the drums. Shizu turns towards the audience. She's painted a lightning bolt on her face, Ziggy Stardust style. The audience doesn't seem to know what to make of it. The band starts to play right away. Shizu tosses her robe away, revealing a maid's outfit. The rest of the girls rip off their jumpsuits to reveal the same. The band launches into Hot For Teacher. When Shizu gets to the line “I think of all the education that I missed” she leaps off the stage, landing on the judges table. She points at a male teacher and sings, “But then my homework was never quite like this!” The audience roars and the teacher blushes. Shizu sings and dances from the judge's table. The superintendant looks like he's going to burst a vein. We see Shizu back onstage taking her bows. The Superintendant storms onto the stage, taking the mirophone]

Superintendant: This is the most inappropriate display....I am shocked beyond the capacity of words to express. The Foreign Exchange Club is disqualified! I am going to call each and every one of your parents and reprimand them for the terrible job they've done in raising you! You ought to be expelled for this, and may yet be!

Shizu: What? No!

Sakai #1: (walking out onto the stage) Yes! (falls to her knees and raises her fists to the heavens) Yes!

Sakai #2: (jumping up and down and cheering) We've won! The Foreign Exchange Club is dead!

[Cut to the Foreign Exchange Club, looking stunned]

[Roll closer]

[Cut to Ms Asuhara and the Principal]

Principal: Well, it's over at last. I can't say I'm not relieved.

Ms. Asuhara: You should be. They finally have their enemy, and it isn't you or Seifun High.

Principal: Do you think they're going to do something? They wouldn't, would they?

[Ms. Asuhara turns back and smiles. Text appears below her face that reads “ASUHARA MIO-FOREIGN EXCHANGE CLUB MEMBER #5”]

[Cut to black]


End file.
